Friends are supposed to be there to help you, right? Maybe not. Some may be the very reason of your unhappiness. The only solution is to give them a boot out of your life. Here are some friends that you might consider kicking out:
So, here’s my observation of people to invite out of your life:
Energy vampires. Some people just wear you out; you feel more tired and stressed, less vital after interacting with them. These folks seem to believe that the main job of their friends and colleagues is to help them feel better. I once had a friend who required hours and hours of “processing” – his pain, difficulty, emotional upheaval, the unfairness of his past life: everything needed to be gone over ad infinitim. Sadly, no matter how deeply you listen, no matter how much counsel you offer, no matter how much you put your own needs on the back burner to support these folks, it will not be enough. Think about the friends and colleagues who consistently take more from you than they give back, and ask yourself why you’re still offering yourself to be sucked dry.
“I Me Mine” people are the center of their own universe, and if they’re in your life, you are always going to have to work around their needs and preferences. Collaboration, reciprocity and give and take are not part of their vocabulary. Do what you can to minimize your interactions with these folks (although they may let you know in no uncertain terms that you’re being unreasonable or unfair not to be available to fulfill everyy whim).
Liars. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times – why are you still on the list of people whose calls I return? If someone is consistently unreliable, or tells you things that aren’t true, or says one thing to you and another thing to someone else in order to protect themselves….cut them loose. Liars are the worst. Energy Vampires and I Me Mines are a pain and make your life more difficult – but Liars can create honest-to-goodness legal and moral problems.
The great thing to realize is that you actually have the power to do this. You don’t need have to these people in your life. You can kindly but firmly minimize your interactions with them. And that frees you up to invite wonderful people into your life.
The Advice-Giver
You know those people who give all the advice they can muster but never seem to take it themselves? That’s the therapist. They constantly give you advice even when you don’t ask for it. If advice is all they give you, it may be time to say goodbye, but if you love them for other reasons, avoid any conversations that could lead to their advice.
The Selfish
This one is practically a no-brainer. Some friends just think of themselves before any other human specimen. If you’re tired of a friend is so selfish that it drives you nuts, haul out the boot.
The Flaw Finder
Of course the friend who constantly digs and shovels for your faults; correcting you or being negative is their hobby. It’s not hard to point out this friend in the clique. You can tell them lightly that they’re being too negative for your liking or just give them a kick.
. The One Who Makes Empty or break Promises
With a friend who breaks promises, you might consider questioning whether they’re your friend or not. Some friends just can’t commit and constantly make promises they can’t keep which can cause you disappointment. You don’t need a friend like that so if you’re at your breaking point, you should probably dump them.
The Backstabber
If they purposely cause you unhappiness, they’re definitely not your friend. A backstabber is the last person you want it in your life. They might start small by spreading rumors about you that are false but their actions may become harsher in the future. It’s best to get rid of this friend ASAP smoothly.
The Gossip
"Don't tell anyone, but…" The next morning, you've got an inbox full of people hounding you about the secret that your "friend" swore to uphold. Does this sound familiar? If so, then you might have unfortunately befriended The Gossip. Uncomfortable with vulnerability, this type of friend is constantly breaking your confidentiality.
solution:
End the friendship: Ultimately, the only way to successfully extract yourself from a toxic friendship is to end it completely. Figley says, "Breaking up with anyone, whether it's a spouse, love relationship, or a friend, is not fun. It's even more important in this kind of context. In contrast to a love relationship in which you recognize you aren't compatible, this type of relationship is hurting you."
So, here’s my observation of people to invite out of your life:
Energy vampires. Some people just wear you out; you feel more tired and stressed, less vital after interacting with them. These folks seem to believe that the main job of their friends and colleagues is to help them feel better. I once had a friend who required hours and hours of “processing” – his pain, difficulty, emotional upheaval, the unfairness of his past life: everything needed to be gone over ad infinitim. Sadly, no matter how deeply you listen, no matter how much counsel you offer, no matter how much you put your own needs on the back burner to support these folks, it will not be enough. Think about the friends and colleagues who consistently take more from you than they give back, and ask yourself why you’re still offering yourself to be sucked dry.
“I Me Mine” people are the center of their own universe, and if they’re in your life, you are always going to have to work around their needs and preferences. Collaboration, reciprocity and give and take are not part of their vocabulary. Do what you can to minimize your interactions with these folks (although they may let you know in no uncertain terms that you’re being unreasonable or unfair not to be available to fulfill everyy whim).
Liars. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times – why are you still on the list of people whose calls I return? If someone is consistently unreliable, or tells you things that aren’t true, or says one thing to you and another thing to someone else in order to protect themselves….cut them loose. Liars are the worst. Energy Vampires and I Me Mines are a pain and make your life more difficult – but Liars can create honest-to-goodness legal and moral problems.
The great thing to realize is that you actually have the power to do this. You don’t need have to these people in your life. You can kindly but firmly minimize your interactions with them. And that frees you up to invite wonderful people into your life.
The Advice-Giver
You know those people who give all the advice they can muster but never seem to take it themselves? That’s the therapist. They constantly give you advice even when you don’t ask for it. If advice is all they give you, it may be time to say goodbye, but if you love them for other reasons, avoid any conversations that could lead to their advice.
The Selfish
This one is practically a no-brainer. Some friends just think of themselves before any other human specimen. If you’re tired of a friend is so selfish that it drives you nuts, haul out the boot.
The Flaw Finder
Of course the friend who constantly digs and shovels for your faults; correcting you or being negative is their hobby. It’s not hard to point out this friend in the clique. You can tell them lightly that they’re being too negative for your liking or just give them a kick.
. The One Who Makes Empty or break Promises
With a friend who breaks promises, you might consider questioning whether they’re your friend or not. Some friends just can’t commit and constantly make promises they can’t keep which can cause you disappointment. You don’t need a friend like that so if you’re at your breaking point, you should probably dump them.
The Backstabber
If they purposely cause you unhappiness, they’re definitely not your friend. A backstabber is the last person you want it in your life. They might start small by spreading rumors about you that are false but their actions may become harsher in the future. It’s best to get rid of this friend ASAP smoothly.
The Gossip
"Don't tell anyone, but…" The next morning, you've got an inbox full of people hounding you about the secret that your "friend" swore to uphold. Does this sound familiar? If so, then you might have unfortunately befriended The Gossip. Uncomfortable with vulnerability, this type of friend is constantly breaking your confidentiality.
solution:
End the friendship: Ultimately, the only way to successfully extract yourself from a toxic friendship is to end it completely. Figley says, "Breaking up with anyone, whether it's a spouse, love relationship, or a friend, is not fun. It's even more important in this kind of context. In contrast to a love relationship in which you recognize you aren't compatible, this type of relationship is hurting you."
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